so many decisions, so many questions...

Wow.  I haven't blogged in a very long time.  Part of it, is because I have been very busy.  But, to be honest, the majority of the reason, is because I haven't had the best attitude - I'll admit it.

Now that my attitude has shifted (for the better), I'm going to be sharing with you what my heart has been going through - the ups and downs - of the past month or so.

Alright, so at the beginning of this month (without getting into too much detail), my husband and I were told that some of the help that we have been getting (monetary wise) would be ending by the end of this month.  Meaning, we only had one month to figure out how to either fund this obligation, or we would have to relocate some things.

At first, we were in shock.  There was no way we could: 1) pay for this or 2) have the time to move it all - since we both are working crazy hours and opposite shifts.  We were drowning fast.  We prayed for help, and again, God provided relief.  On top of that, God provided a second, flexible job for me - to make some extra money to maybe pay off student loans quicker - or possibly help pay for a place to live on our own again. 

So with that "worry" out of the way, naturally brings other uncertainties.  My husband and I have been talking about either renting an apartment, renting a house, renting to own a house, or actually purchase a house.  So many decisions!  Although, monetarily speaking, not really.  It always will depend on how God provides for us, because we surely can't do any of these on our own.

So, here is one of the kickers.  Both of us do not want to live in this area for much longer.  Does God want us here for a reason?  Is that why we are living in his parents' basement right now?  To make sure we stay here and not miss out on what He has planned for us here?  Could this all be a part of God's master plan?

If that is the case, should we rent an apartment or is that just a money waster?  Or should we actually look to buy a house?  Would that be stupid?  Or would that be putting trust in God that we are listening to Him to stay here in this area for now?  What if God opens something up somewhere else right after we buy a house?  What if we are stuck paying on that house and have to move somewhere else?  What if??

AH!

SO. MANY. DECISIONS.  SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

If you want to know a little more about me.  I hate making decisions about big things.  I like choosing where to eat out.  I even like choosing what kind of shoes I'll wear for the day.  Those are easy.  But where to live?  Oh my goodness, instant heart attack.  It is almost like a little part of me thinks that I am going to screw something up if I don't hear God's direction clearly.  And see, right there, I know that if I hear God's direction, that I would not be second guessing anything.  But naturally, my instinct always second guesses everything.  It is terrible - but it's true.  Am I listening to God's voice and direction when it comes to big things?  Or am I letting my fears of what could happen overpower God's voice?

After asking all of those questions up there, my husband and I went over to one of his uncle's.  His uncle could not have put it in better words, "You're here now.  If you end up buying a house that is affordable, live here until you're called to something else.  God will take care of the rest."

Seriously, wow.  Love that.  It scares me though.  That means I have to trust for God to provide in everything, even help with selling a house if that's the case.

It is so hard, because if you know me... you know that over everything, I want to be where God wants us.  I do not care where he is telling us to go... or stay... I will be on board.  If God wants us here, then BY God, we will be here, and He will provide.  If God wants us to move out of this area, then I am up for that too, and I will go wherever He tells us to go.  At this point in my journey, I'm waiting on God to make it clear to me where He will have us go... or stay.  If He wants us to move away from this area, I pray that He opens something up for the both of us - and it is clear to us - that it is time to move on.

*** Lord, I put these difficult decisions in Your hands.  I have no clue what to do, but I am willing to do whatever You ask of me.  I pray that wherever my husband and I are meant to go - that You would have us on the same page, and that we agree in all the details.  We want what You want, and we trust that You will make this decision clear to us.  In Jesus' name, Amen. ***


Isaiah 6:8
"Then I heard the Lord asking, 'Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?' I said, 'Here I am. Send me.'"

Job 8:5-7
"But if you pray to God and seek the favor of the Almighty, and if you are pure and live with integrity, he will surely rise up and restore your happy home.  And though you started with little, you will end with much."