This is the most common feeling I have felt the past six months - and it is a dangerous feeling to have. It consumes my every thought and action. The thought of being trapped only makes me feel even more trapped. It causes me to have doubts. It causes me to have impatience. It causes dissension. It causes hate. It causes discontentment. It causes anger and resentment.
Some background on my husband and I - if you do not already know. I am in a job that causes unneeded stress (sales goals, etc.) - my husband and I are living with our in-laws (not by choice, obviously) - we have a dog (whom we love, but is big - so she may not be accepted in an apartment even if we were to be able to move out) - Bill, my husband, lost his job last year and is now working part-time somewhere - and all of this with the ghost of 50K of student loan debt still owed.
We were making ends meet - tithing to God first always - being able to pay on student loans - being able to pay on my car. We were surviving. And God was (and is still) blessing for our necessities.
Yesterday - we found out that we owed money on our taxes. The savings that we were able to save up - gone.
Trapped.
The ground that we were making up - gone.
Even more trapped.
This feeling of being trapped. Trapped living with his parents. Strapped with money.
You know, the hardest thing of it all? It is not trusting that God will provide our needs - that is actually the easy part. God has always provided enough to stay afloat. The hardest part is to actually believe that we will ever make enough to get on our own again - maybe buy a house - maybe have a kid - maybe get the desires of our heart. You see, I trust that God will provide our needs in whatever stage of life we are in. The hard part is believing that God will overflow with blessings when we are faithful to Him. And honestly - that is my problem. Do I not trust that God wants to bless us with our desires of our heart, too?
God WANTS to overflow His blessings on His children. He wants me to trust that He CAN and WILL do it. Maybe in my heart, I have a hard time believing he cares about the desires of my heart. Maybe a little part in my heart, is thinking that God will only, always do the minimum for me and my husband.
Wow. I cannot believe that I would think that. Thinking that God would only do the minimum.
Honestly - I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this either.
Is the God you serve big or small? Is He capable to give you your desires that line up with His Will or not? I mean, seriously people - (and I am talking to myself when I say this) - GOD IS ABLE. GOD BLESSES. Above and beyond than what we could ever imagine!
I need to get out of this "trapped" mindset. The only reason why I feel trapped, is because I put myself there. I am not really trapped - if I would choose to trust that God wants to not only provide for our needs, but also for our desires of our hearts too! Don't get trapped! Don't be afraid that your situation may never end! Trust that God cares about your desires that line up with His Will for your life. Trust that you don't need to feel trapped. God does not trap - He sets free. Only if you let Him.
Psalm 37:4
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:5
"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."
Proverbs 16:1-3
"The plans of the heart belong to man,
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
Commit your work to the Lord,
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